They see themselves as being in total harmony but they are mistaken! The clash between their uniquely individual attitudes to life rumbles on in silence until suddenly erupting in emotional outbursts each time an object or an attitude reveals for the thousandth time the unbearable and incomprehensible otherness of the partner.
When this occurs, a whole panoply of tactics is deployed, ranging from the combative (secret acts of revenge) through the neutral (sulking) to the subtly loving. But these stormy episodes within relationships can have a happy ending, for it is through learning to overcome these irritations and aggravations that love is ultimately strengthened.
* Exam copies only available to lecturers for whom the book may be suitable as a course text.
Please note: Sales representation and distribution for Polity titles is provided by John Wiley and Sons Ltd.
Véronique Mottier, Jesus College, Cambridge & University of Lausanne
"Jean-Claude Kaufman's Gripes is one of those rare books that brings into focus a seemingly unimportant fact of life. Irritation and the slow abrasive effect of the gripes it causes are sands that grind down the gears of relationships. Behavioral scientists and self-help advisers make so much of the powerful passions. Kaufman brilliantly illuminates the simpler forces of social disruption."
Charles C. Lemert, author of Muhammad Ali: Trickster in the Culture of Irony
2. Men and women - different or complementary?
The different approaches
Glitches
Are men less irritated?
Irritated by a spectre
Millions of Peter Pans?
Stubborn macho reactions
PART TWO : IN THE EYE OF THE STORM
3. The causes
The symbolic toothpaste tube
Forced proximity
A waltz in double time
Traces of the self
Money matters
Secret worlds
Too close
Too distant
4. The mechanics
The list
Crystallisation
Letting off steam
Aspects of identity
‘Passion killers' and the magic of love
Confused feelings
A certain notion of the truth
Dissonance
5. The wider picture
Family baggage
«Mummy's boy»
«That slut»
Inattentiveness and humiliation
Dissatisfaction
Disgust
Pathological irritability
Aggravating social circumstances
PART THREE : SMALL ACTS OF REVENGE AND ROMANTIC TACTICS
6. Communication difficulties
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth
Hot and cold
The language of gestures
The use of laughter
Inside the mind of the irritator
Secret acts of revenge
7. Love's secret ways
Minuscule victories
The about-turn
When irritation melts away
Physical therapy
Judicious use of sulking
Seeing reason
Reframing the scene
The little cinema and voice off
Accentuating the positive
Conclusion
Methodological Appendix
A new research technique
My direct correspondents
A research project cannot be emptied out like a bag
My other sources
# Bibliography
Translated by Helen Morrison
